I was soclose. I could reclaim my life. I could be free from this humiliation,from this perverted hell. Wasn't this what I had been working for?Wasn't...this what all the suffering had been towards? All that pain? Allthat struggle?But... but I hadn't been the only one suffering, had I? We had been in ittogether. Every step of the way they'd been with me. My fist clenched.They deserved better than this. I stopped, my hand on the open door, leaning on it for support. What wasI doing even. I could see my stomach muscles for the first time ever. I explained to my wife over dinner. ‘You know this program I’ve been doing with Dr. McEvoy, right?’ ‘Yes, I am really proud of your work and you look great.’ ‘Well it has changed me, in more ways than just fat and looks babe. I am an … well…’ I sputtered. Now that we were to it I found the words came hard. ‘Just say it.’ ‘I’m an ink…. An incubus.’ I blurted out. ‘A what?’ I grabbed my I-phone and googled the word incubus and brought up. Alice wondered if she’d get a regular audience.*****The time for the Caribbean Carnival finally arrived and it was after Alice had had her nipples pierced and they had fully healed. Alice had been contacted by one of the organisers and we had gone along to a sort of vetting of the girl dancers and a rehearsal of what they would be doing. It was all very informal but I did overhear one over-weight girl being told that she should go on a strict diet then apply again the next year.The parade would. Then the price caught my eye. It was only ten or twelve dollars. Why not just buy one for him?What the Hell was I thinking! For God's sake, why would I want one of those things IN MY HOUSE?!I started crying again. The terrible truth was unavoidable. I needed it. More than that, I needed to give it to John. I needed him to own it. It's almost as if I needed him to strangle that old white-haired bitch - or maybe beat the crap out of her the way she - and my mother - had beaten the crap out of.
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