"Mea culpa."Elation bubbled out of Laurie. She practically leaped at me, her arms snapping around my neck and hugging me tight. "I can't believe you'r... here! This is the best birthday present anybody could have got me!" It's a pretty good present for me, too," I admitted. "It isn't every day somebody who means as much to me as you do turns fifty."She lifted her head and looked me in the eyes, her look suddenly serious, though there was a playful glint in her eye. "Oh sure, ruin it by reminding. The song about Alice and the restaurant but the restaurant wasn't called Alice's Restaurant; that's just the name of the song and that's why the song's called Alice's Restaurant. How they went to have Thanksgiving dinner in the church but the church was full of garbage and they dumped all the garbage, only to be caught by Officer Obie. And how, when he went in for his physical for the army he told the psychiatrist "I wanna kill, I wanna kill" and was told he was the kind of guy they were. Where was I? Oh yes, I took a hard swing at the point where his butt joins his leg."Liar!" I said."Ow!" He twisted in pain. The crop hurts. Believe me, I know."Alright, mister," I continued as I tapped the end of the crop on the spot just above the one I had struck. "I want a full accounting of all of your perverted little thoughts about her." Who are you talking about?" he asked.Another full swing, just above the where I landed the first one.He shrieked in pain and almost stood up, but I put. Feeling fresh, I dressed and discovered the girls seated at the dining table, the remains of breakfast scattered over the surface. Three faces were raised for me to kiss, and, at least, they tried to disguise the little sniffs they gave.“Feeling human?” Sally asked.“Much better,” I agreed, “though I could eat a horse, I’m so hungry.”Sally fetched me a plate of food in from the kitchen. I drooled at the contents, a full English breakfast (for the uneducated of you out there this very unhealthy.
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